Do you allow you to pay for yourself on dates or in the spirit of the times offer to split the bill? And then how does the man react? New research in this area may surprise you. Irina Gil is looking for a formula that would suit everyone.


“Girls, the first time I paid for myself on a date)) With a debut!” - the phone hummed with disappointment, disguised as irony. I looked at the calendar: autumn, 2016. It’s time.

The burning issue of paying for shared leisure has been of interest to me for a long time. Looking at the bill until the man decides to pay it? Or do not compromise with the internal feminist and honestly report for yourself?

Society easily adapts to new technologies and circumstances of life, which cannot be said about stereotypes - "a man must, a woman must." In 2008, American sociologists conducted a large-scale study based on the responses of 17 thousand respondents about the traditions of paying dates and sharing entertainment. 82% of men confirmed that they incur romantic expenses, even if the couple have been together for a long time, and only half of the women are ready to participate in these expenses (more precisely, to pay a certain part, provided that at least six months of relationship). Six years later, in 2014, the NerdWallet website conducted a similar survey, but the dynamics were minimal: 77% of the polled representatives of both sexes spoke in favor of paying for the evening with a man.

The burning issue of paying for shared

My installation system “Nobody owes anything to anyone” is not very popular among friends. We argue about traditions, rituals and banal slander. The discussion is emotional, but entertaining. We are sitting on the freshly restored Postal Square and looking at the flocks of young people ... Recently, I discovered online dating and run on first dates - in the end there were fourteen! Unfortunately, the second does not add up. In words: “Well, we paid and went to the subway ...” the friends fall silent and look at me in bewilderment:

- Do you pay for yourself?

- Well yes.

“And they don't refuse?” Do not protest?

- You know, somehow not.

- Any redneck you come across.

I began to protect the negligent fans, which drove into the asphalt a minute ago. Then the fragile blue-eyed A., thoughtfully looking at the fountains, said: "I would very much think whether to go with SO on a second date." “It seems to me that the Universe specially sends SUCH to you,” the smart O. supported her. We argued for a short time, and I ran for another meeting. By the way, it also did not work out.

A few months later, the topic of money surfaced again in our chat: O. paid for herself on a date. It had to be discussed. I asked in what situation my friends would have pulled out their wallets. “If I wanted to get down early and never write to him again,” O blurted out in a chat instantly. You can’t argue here: I want to forget failed meetings as quickly as I could to run away from them. And split accounts are a good start for such an escape.

- And if he forgot his wallet or his credit card was not accepted?

“I would pay, but I would never see each other again.” If the meeting is planned, but he forgot the money, then this speaks of the man’s negligent attitude, - A. cut short my attempts to shake the “man should” system.

And if it's not about a date? Meetings with colleagues, friends, a “third” with a couple? Nothing has changed: friends "provided an excellent opportunity to pay a man." At least this was expected of him. On the female side, however, a stuffing was allowed on the little things - "if not enough." I had one last question:

- And if your (already permanent) boyfriend regularly pays for other girls? At the same friendly or working meetings?

O .: - I would normally react to this.

A .: - This is his money, and he decides who to pay for.

I have good friends after all. They don’t consider other people's money, and they don’t say what to do to others.

- Good. Now imagine: you live together, the rent, the total budget, which, as always, is not rubber. And so he pays for other women in the company. Pays regularly. Because the “man should”, and you yourself would expect this in a different situation. Your opinion will not change?

A .: - Well, I think the question is whether you are going for a walk or not. - Already gone. And the bill is paid.

A .: - And if so, I will bear it, but then I will say that it was not very ... economical.

There was silence in the chat. The system was to blame, but my friends were angry with me. Nobody likes to think about the causes of our social habits and even more so to question them. Yes, modern girls were the first to make dates, but despite the rule of etiquette (who invites, that is the bill), many still adhere to the traditional payment of the evening by a man.

There was silence in the chat

So, on the one hand, we have historical gallantry and custody based on a banal monetary imbalance: only a hundred years ago, men used their own money mainly. On the other hand, social trends and traps of the first meetings. Men are used to taking out a wallet on dates. For some, this is a kind of investment in a pleasant evening. Such gentlemen use the words “dynamo” and “breeder” after a rendezvous, on which funds were spent but not “paid off”. For others, paying dinner is a statement of oneself in the female eyes as a getter, standing firmly on the dead mammoths. For the third - social service, which is not always to their liking.

And then there is this progress ... In women's handbags, a rustle of money was heard, and the need for material protection of the “earner” seemed to disappear. As well as the need to worry that I ordered a too expensive steak or cocktail, putting the right bill on the table is no longer a problem.

But to be honest, we spend money on a date before the account appears on the horizon.

Every month, Ukrainians spend more than one and a half thousand hryvnias on maintaining their “presentation”, which exceeds the minimum wage established by the state

Regular visits to the hairdresser and beautician, compulsory hair removal, as well as eyebrows, eyelashes, nails ... And that's not counting the jars in the bathroom and the tubes in the makeup bag. Women are still convinced that appearance is their main duty and the largest investment. Due to social pressures, we are constantly on the lookout for XS size and the revolutionary “timeless makeup” technology. Because our natural eyebrows are irregular in shape, our lips are not puffy enough, our breasts may be the only aesthetically correct shape, and you can enter the bedroom only by first destroying all the hair on the body. The value of a woman as a person still boils down to "eye delight," and she constantly has to comply - with the only difference being that she is now able to pay for this tuning herself.

The beauty industry has earned $ 57 million over the past year. And this is only in the United States. The most popular section of online shopping remains women's clothing, ahead of books and software. Every month, Ukrainians spend more than one and a half thousand hryvnias on maintaining their “presentation”, which exceeds the minimum wage set by the state. The final amount of the beauty calculator is impressive. Even the most expensive dinner in the restaurant, to put it mildly, is not enough. Not to mention the lonely rose in cellophane and a walk along the promenade.

The beauty industry has earned

Amendment to a country also matters. I turned to my friend S., who had long been disappointed in the domestic candidates for the status of Mr. Big and gave myself to career and travel. She knows exactly the average temperature in the international monetary chamber. In answer to the question: “Remember your dates by country - who paid?” S. adjusted her stylish glasses and issued a list: “Georgia - yes, the USA and Canada - yes, Israel - yes. Europeans (Italian, Spaniard, Frenchman) generally did not pay. But in Ukraine it’s easy for them to be generous: the exchange rate is good for chivalry. ” By the way, the Americans have a good phrase for “purse dance” at the end of the evening. They ask: is it okay if I pay? (“Nothing, if I cry?”) This simultaneously underlines the man’s interest and respect for any woman’s answer.

Progressive Americans easily offer to split the bill: 40% of them prefer to pay for themselves and would consider offending companionable behavior as an insult. Almost the same number (39%) will offer the man the 50/50 option, but would like to hear “no” in response. According to David Frederick, a professor of psychology at Chapman University, “people are happy to accept changes that make their lives easier, but they resist changes that make it harder.” Gentlemen like to be in the lead, but do not like being a “free dinner coupon”. Girls like to be led, but are reluctant to be obliged to "thank" for a purchased cocktail.

Surprisingly, we often get frustrated by the economical scenario of meetings, if the date was ... none. That is, we were not interested and, worst of all, not funny. Then we look around, note the minuses of the establishment, the cheapness of the flowers presented - and it already sounds in my head: “And for that I prepared so much?” Many punctures and inconsistencies easily say goodbye after a pleasant evening with an interesting person. For such a rarity, we ourselves will pay.

44% of men think about breaking up a relationship if a woman does not offer to cover part of the expenses during a date

16% of men think they have sex if they paid

30% of women feel less pressure, refusing sex, if they also paid the bill.
WHO SHOULD I PAY FOR DAYS? WHO SHOULD I PAY FOR DAYS? Reviewed by Chelsea Mitchel on 5:00 AM Rating: 5

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